Lesson 14

Food – Our Love Hate Relationship

 Food has been our undoing. For whatever reason, prior to surgery we have not handled food well. It may have been that our genetic make up contributed to our increase in appetite or it may have been that we have had a psychological need to eat in excess.  In this Lesson we will examine how we relate to food and what we can do about it.

In this Lesson we will

·        Explore ways that we use psychological issues to determine how we eat

·        Explore some coping mechanisms to stop the cycle

I used to be a heavy smoker, I mean a really heavy smoker. And one day I quit.  I just totally stopped smoking.  It was not easy, but I had a great motivation.  I was trying to adopt and I had some indications that I would be receiving my baby soon.  And I certainly didn’t want second hand smoke to harm my baby. 

So I put out my last cigarette and haven’t smoked since.  And I have always known that if I picked up a single cigarette, that I would be right back to smoking heavily. 

It is so much easier to stop something like smoking, than it is to continue doing it, but controlling it. And that is why food is such a problem.  If we could just stop eating and not have to deal with it, success would come much more easily. But of course we can’t stop eating. We would die.  So learning to cope, manage and control our food intake while still allowing for the ability to enjoy it does not come easily.

Role of Food

Food is associated with so much in our lives.  It is associated with pleasure from the very first day of our lives.  When we cried, we were given milk, and it not only stopped the hunger, but it soothed us. So food has always had emotional attachments to it. Is it any wonder that virtually every holiday and celebration centers around food? Imagine Thanksgiving without turkey.  Imagine Christmas without Christmas dinner and Christmas cookies, Hanukkah without potato latkes and beef brisket. Imagine birthdays without birthday cake.  All of the celebrations and milestones in our lives are marked by food.

But the bad things in our lives are equally touched by food.  After a funeral, there is a meal for the guests and mourners.  When someone has trouble in their lives, neighbors respond by taking over a cake or casserole. It seems that every single event, whether good or bad has food as the focal point.

Is it any wonder that we respond the same way in our personal lives? When we are happy we eat, when we are sad, we eat, when we are tired, we eat. We have the 7 Dwarfs response to eating: happy, sleepy, dopey, grumpy, bashful (when you are shy), sneezy (when you are sick) – well, OK, the 6 Dwarf response!

Becoming Aware of How We Use Food

We use food in some positive ways in our lives and some negative ways and it is important to become aware of the differences between the two. It is estimated that 75% of overeating is caused by emotional eating. By recognizing that we are using food as a response to an emotion, we can begin to break a pattern of using food in other ways than to satisfy hunger.

What Is Emotional Eating?

Emotional eating is eating when you are not hungry.  Usually it is the result of some kind of emotional response or as a result of something going on around you.  Emotional eating comes on suddenly whereas hunger builds gradually. The feelings you get with emotional hunger are more demanding.  You feel like you need to satisfy that hunger right away, but with physical hunger you can wait. Another way to identify emotional eating is if you have a craving for a specific food.  If you want cookies and only cookies will do, then you are the victim of emotional eating.  But on the other hand, if you are hungry, then allow yourself to enjoy food. Sit down and eat and savor what you are eating. Don’t feel guilty every time that you eat something. Allow yourself to eat good food and not feel like you are “bad” or “good” depending upon what you eat.  Sometimes we make bad choices and hopefully most of the time we make good choices, but bad choices don’t make us bad people.

An article in the July 2000 issue of American Demographics detailed a study done regarding emotional eating.  In the article, the study revealed that people who are happy seem to prefer pizza or steak, those who are feeling sad reach for ice cream, pasta and cookies. These tend to be heart foods, or those foods you reach for when your heart is empty or hurting.  And those who are bored or angry, eat chips or crunchy food.

We all tend to eat for emotional reasons, but it is when we do it too often or can’t control it that it becomes a problem.  If we are using food to mask or numb our emotions, then we can really get into trouble.

For instance, if you use food as your friend you may be using food to mask loneliness.  If you are alone on a Saturday night and all you want to do is to stay home week after week and curl up with a bag of chips or some other food, then you are trying to numb your loneliness and not doing anything to get out and spend time with other people.

Here are some of the emotions that can trigger emotional eating:

Be sure to identify these on your food journal that you have been using.

Caution – Habit Forming!

But once you have recognized the emotion, you can start to work on altering your response to the emotion. If you have been dealing with the emotion in a certain way, it may very well have become a habit.  So here are some tips offered by WebMD on dealing with emotional eating that will help you to break that habit:

·    Recognize emotional eating when it happens.  Anytime you are eating when you are not hungry, note how you felt and start to make note of how you respond to that feeling.  Is it always with food? Question what is causing you to feel that way. What is the trigger?

·    Simply ask yourself if you are hungry anytime that you eat and try to respond accordingly.

·    Make a list of enjoyable activities, things that you like to do, and see if you can work those into your schedule. If you are eating because of sadness, or an empty feeling, do things such as take a bubble bath, listen to music, or write a letter.  These are nurturing things that will help to address those feelings. If you are eating because of anger or frustration then do some deep breathing exercises or something more physical like taking a walk, playing cards, or playing a musical instrument.

·    Stay busy with productive tasks.  Clean your house, call a friend, take a walk or do some laundry.  And remember that if you are feeling sad, exercising gets endorphins going and you will naturally feel happier.

·    If you are eating when you’re not hungry, try to make it healthy food.

·    If you can’t control the urge to eat “comfort” foods, then try to limit the portions. Divide out an acceptable portion from a bag of potato chips, or eat just 4 bites of cheesecake. See if this helps you to control the urge.

·    Try relaxation techniques such as meditation or stretching.

·    If the problem persists, investigate group or individual counseling.

Deal With It If you have had a bad day, instead of responding, “Where do I find some chocolate?” look for the source of the stress and concentrate on positively dealing with that source. Try to take care of yourself. Be mindful of what caused the stress in your day and see if you can do anything about the stress or about changing the source that stresses you.  If you are depressed, recognize that you cannot eat your feelings, but have to face those feelings head on.

Break the Chain

We often deal with things in patterns. Something triggers us and we follow the same patterned response.  Let me give you an example. You may say, “I had a pig-out last night.” But break down exactly what happened. Be an observer of your own patterns, and find a link that you can break in the chain of events.

Buy Cookies		Leave cookies on the counter		Home on Saturday night
Go to Kitchen		Urge to Eat		Bored and Tired
Take Cookie to Den		Eat Cookies While Watching TV		Eat Rapidly Until Full
Restraint Weakens Further		Feel Like A Failure		Feel Guilty
More Eating

Try to break the chain somewhere before it reaches the end. There are a lot of places to do that. 

·  Don’t buy the cookies in the first place

·  But if you do, don’t leave them on the counter. Put them out of sight

·  Try to plan an activity so you are not bored or tired

·  Don’t eat while watching TV.  This is mindless eating that is not satisfying.

·  Because you ate the cookies, does not mean you are a failure.

 Remember that emotional eating is a behavior problem, not a severe emotional problem.  Behaviors can be tough to tackle.  But with some work or some counseling if need be, you can overcome.

Have another great week!!

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