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Being of normal weight is something that you
might have longed for your whole life. As you reached out for the
promise offered by the many diets you have been on, the reality of
thinness was always just out of your reach. You were always plagued
by the extra pounds that made you suffer from ill health,
limitations on your activity or created life threatening
conditions. Even if you did not experience any of these problems,
you knew that this disease of obesity would eventually cause you to
have a shorter life. When you were introduced to the idea of weight
loss surgery, the possibilities seemed to be the answer to a
desperate lifelong prayer.
You know that you are at a much higher risk of
developing significant problems when you stay morbidly obese, but to
your children, you are their Mom or Dad and you are in the only body
that they have ever known. Even if other children tease them about
your size, and even if they have missed your company in physical
activities, they may still not be ready to accept the changes in you
that will come as a result of your surgery.
You know the positive effects that this surgery
has on you but what effect does this surgery have on your children
who may not have the maturity to appreciate the necessity of what
you are going through?
I remember when I was a child; my father had a
heart attack. Following his recovery, he lost quite a bit of
weight. I remember snuggling next to him on the couch after his
weight loss and I missed the softness and comfort of his former big
belly. I did not like that he had shrunk and changed. I wanted my
big, ole Daddy back. As a child, I had trouble assimilating the fact
that he was healthier now that he had lost weight. I had a child’s
reaction, “What about me?” “Why did things have to change?”
Your children may be going through a similar
reaction. They have a child’s love for a parent. They love you just
the way you are because the way you are is what Mommy or Daddy is in
their young minds. “Why do you have to change things?” Even little
changes can shake a child’s sense of security. And weight loss
surgery involves tremendous change, not only for you, but for those
around you.
You may find that your children are frightened
for you as you are approaching your surgery and may not appreciate
why you would do this. “What if you die? What will become of me?”
Children may also suffer from information
overload. They may be sick of hearing you obsess about this
surgery. After all, it is taking the attention away from them. I
know there are many of you who are reading this and have seen the
rolling of the eyes every time you mention something about your
surgery. They wonder why you can’t talk about anything else. Like
them!
After your surgery, the tough part starts for
you. You are going through depression as the
after effects of anesthesia wears off. You are
wondering why you did this to your body. And your children are
looking at your surgery as being over. You survived. It’s time to
move on. They think that for them it is over. But for you, the
journey is just beginning.
The weeks and months to follow may put children
through something that they hadn’t expected. You are changing, both
physically and emotionally. They wonder what that means for them.
You look different. You act different. In fact, you are
different. It’s a freeing, liberating time for you, but your
children may just want their ole Mom or Dad back. They were
comfortable with that person and may have a hard time adjusting to
this new person. You know that you are still you but in their
minds, you are someone different.
Look for signs that your children may be
feeling insecure. They have lost their parent and someone thinner,
more active, more vibrant is here. This may be a positive for you,
but for them, it may be frightening. Help them to understand what a
wonderful opportunity you have to live a better, fuller life and
that chances are you will be around for them a lot longer.
Take time to show them lots of love. Reassure
them that even though you are changing in so many ways, what is not
changing is your love for them. And consider seeking family
counseling if need be.
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